It's OK.

A dear friend of mine passed away last week after a seven year battle with cancer. She was a dear friend to not only me, but so many of my friends, co-workers, and even my hair-dresser. Karen was not onle the type of person to make friends easily, no matter where she went, but to make true friendships built on honesty, love, and true devotion to her faith. With every relationship she engaged in, her one true desire was to shine light on Jesus and bring others to understand him. 

Karen was our office mom. As young women, single, and fighting through life, Karen was always able to find us at our lowest of lows and celebrate with us at our highest moments. She had a daughter our age and could easily reminisce about her 20's, much similar to our own. 

This past Monday at our department meeting, one she usually held a significant role in, we took time at the start of our meeting to celebrate the things Karen taught us. Be it her attention to detail, fight for life, personal vigor, eagerness to learn, or love for people, we could all easily find something to share. After some time of sifting through my thoughts, what came to mind for me was that she taught me "It's OK." 

Like I mentioned before, Karen always managed to find me or some of my closest friends at our lowest of lows. Whether in regard to a broken friendship, unhealthy relationship, or possessive parents, Karen knew when where she was needed. She let us cry it out, sometimes in our greatest ugly cry, comforted us, validated our feelings, then told us it would be OK. And it wasn't just those words she shared with us, it was in the stories she told and the life experience she had. Karen had a way of saying, "ya, this sucks, and it's not fair, but it's not going to last and here is an example and a reason why." 

That's what I loved about Karen. Despite aging skin, thinning hair, and Buddha-like wisdom, you'd never know she was 30 years our senior. Karen could always find a way of relating to us and remembering exactly how she felt when she was in our shoes, decades ago. She could often even find ways of relating to us through experience she had even recently. Through these shared experiences she had a way of taking away the loneliness and breaking through the barrier of isolation. 

Not only did she show us that it's OK and it's going to be OK, she taught us to fight through it. Karen fought cancer twice in seven years. And she did it with a smile on her face. What got her through it? Family, and relationships, and the community she experienced at work. Near the end, Karen felt pain daily. And yet despite that pain, she chose joy. Instead of living in the misery of physical pain, and the emotional torture of life being taken out from underneath of her, she chose to celebrate the big and small and fight her way through the battle she faced. 

While on earth we know that Karen lost the battle, I am confident she won the ultimate prize and is celebrating whole-heartedly, waiting for the day we can join her. Dwelling on the negative and living in self-pity would have ruined so much of Karen's journey. If that's true of her story, then it must be true of mine also. 

Today, I choose joy, because I know it's going to be OK. 

It's Fun to be 2(5)

It's true...

...it's fun to be 25. 

After some good ole family mockery at my family & friends birthday party (see below), my fabulous friends and I made our way to downtown San Diego for the continuation of my birthday celebration. I couldn't love a place more than I love San Diego, especially the downtown area. Ok, I guess Italy is right up there at the top of my list, but SD in comparison to the rest of the world, SD isn't such a bad place to end up :) 

The morning of my actual birthday, after forcing myself to go back to bed, was spent at the most adorable wine bar & cafe called Cafe Chloe. Seriously adorable cafe with simple yet flavorful food and very welcoming French decor. It felt quite picturesque...the perfect place to start my 25th year of life. Thanks for the recommendation Missy!

The Girls

A-mazing

We then ventured down to La Jolla for a walk around the beach and local shops, and a pit-stop at the Living Room for a mid-afternoon pick-me up (isn't every good birthday organized around food?).

A stop to visit the seals (ohhh, the life of a seal). 

A stop at the *bucks for pick-me-up coffee and....presents!! I love my friends :) 

After a brief stop at my sister's house, it was off to Hob Knob Hill for a light dinner before we hit the road. Technically I ate there three times in the week I spent in San Diego. I was introduced to the restaurant by a family friend who brought there (AMAZING) cranberry sauce to our Thanksgiving Dinner. Then on Saturday I ended up there with my sister to meet up with her best friend and fiance (yum!) and then back there for a simple, homestyle birthday dinner. This place kinda makes you feel like you're in your grandma's kitchen in the midwest. All their bread is freshly baked every morning and they're best know for their breakfast. I would definitely recommend! 

Everyone needs birthday dessert! Simple as it was, their chocolate ice cream was bomb-tastic. 

And because no one wants to go back to work after 6 days, a weekend, and a birthday off, a very welcoming birthday surprise from my team. Oh how they love me :) (Note the green theme: balloons, green dyed flowers, DARK Dove chocolate, Yogurtland gift card, homemade sign and a few other special trinkets in the mix). 

If any of you who were a part of my special day(s) are reading this, THANK YOU!

Good food + good friends + good family + good fun = a gooooooood birthday 

It sure is fun to be 25 :) 

If you don't have anything nice to say....

You know that saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all"? Well, I think I took the phrase to a new level this past weekend. I've been quite a grump lately and although I'm not sure if others noticed or not, I figured I would save them my bad attitude and hibernate for the weekend. I made sure to be present at the things I was expected to be at, but beyond that I was pretty checked out from reality. Humanity-you can thank me later.

I also hibernated a bit from blogging. I kept up with the usual blogs I follow like this one, this one, and this one, but stayed clear from my own. Like I said, I've been a bit of a grump lately and didn't really have anything nice to say. I took this weekend as my opportunity to have a pit of a pity party, an introvert party, and a "it's time to move on party." Overall it was a good weekend, one I think everyone needs to have sometimes.

Because I didn't share anything with you this weekend, the next few pictures will give you some insight into how I spent my time. Don't get too excited. Unless you were also having a pity party and totally checked out from reality, or if by chance you are my secret stalker, then you will probably be bored to death by the following photos. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Weekend highlight: NO work on Christmas!

The Goods

Sometimes I pretend I live on Little house on the Prairie 

Girl Porn (Note: also downloaded Instagram at this point)

Magazine shopping--must have!

Too good to not text, tweet, or blog for the world to see.
Burly Beards 

And to get back to reality...Thansgiving with friends! Starting last year a group of friends and I have planned and celebrated Thansgiving together (i.e. Thanksgiving). Mondays are typically a dreadful day for most of humanity, but today I had something to look forward to. After secluding myself from the world it was good to be back with friends laughing, eating, mocking each other, and just being. I finally feel human again. You're welcome humanity.

Side Note: 
Can I just say, the beauty of "The Anthropology of a Girl" is that in reality I can blog about whatever I want because by default, anything I write about and anything that happens in my life, has something to do with being a girl. If "anthropology" is the study of something, then every photo I post, word I write, or story I tell reveals just a little more about what it means to be a girl. Part of me wishes every post I write was strategic, calculated, organized, and full of purpose, but that's just not my life right now. THIS is my life. THIS is what it means to be a girl. 

Choosing Contentment

My coffee pot broke this morning. It was a very unfortunate thing, and I don't really know what happened, but it broke. That's probably not an entirely interesting factoid for you, but if you're a morning coffee-drinker...a MUST-drink-coffee-in-the-morning type of person, then you understand.

After numerous, feeble attempts to "fix" the pot, I opted to jump in the shower, throw a dress on, and head to Starbucks. It was still only about 7:30am, so there was plenty of time to get to Starbucks, grab a cup o' joe for my roommate and I, then head home to finish getting ready for the workday and week ahead. 

Don't worry, I haven't exactly been productive this morning, but the fact that I am here writing after rummaging through the blog-world is worthy of what I would consider a "productive" morning. 

There is this other thing that's been on my mind lately too. Contentment. My 2011 New Year's Resolution, along with watching more news...*fail*...was to work on being content with the life I have. That means choosing joy when it's easier to b&m (bit*h & moan) about my life. That means embracing each day, not fearing or dwelling on the future. All easier said than done of course, but such is life. 

Looking at a whole year, trying to be content about ALL of it, is a daunting task. But that's exactly why I am choosing to NOT fear or dwell on the future. I'm working at taking baby steps to embrace today and enjoy it for what it is, or at the least to work through it. I can't promise I do it well. For some strange reason (to me anyways), I've faced a lot more anxiety this year than I have in the past few. It's like I'm being faced with practice opportunities to choose joy and learn what it feels like to be content. I truly believe to "be" content you much first choose it. It's kind of like love (I think). Sometimes it's easy to embrace and you don't even have to think about it, but there will be many times when love is a choice. 

For me, right now, contentment is a choice. My hope and prayer is that at some point it becomes easier and will come more naturally--to be honest I think it is s-l-o-w-l-y becoming just a little bit easier. 

For example (and this is a totally random example) but yesterday I went to a local farn to pick out pumpkins to be carved later this month. It's a large farm for a non-rural area, so it's definitely a hot spot for families each season (watermelon in the summer, pumpkins in the fall, Christmas trees in December, etc.). They have an area for seasonal games and activities, homemade baked goods, u-pick fresh vegetables, and plenty more. Many schools in the area take an annual field trip here in the fall for vegetable picking. 

So there I was,  a 24 year old, single girl, there with 3 friends and 1 boyfriend (not my own), picking out pumpkins for carving. We were surrounded by kids and babies and families. We were 5 young adults, with no kids, but doing something that sounded fun to us. As the 4 of us girls posed for a picture with our pumpkins, I could help but think, and say, "just think, one day there will be kids in front of us as we take this picture." I wasn't trying to be dramatic or *hopeful* for the future, just pointing out the irony of the situation. We should probably have kids here with us to be doing this. 

But the thing is, none of us really cared. Even as single, young adults, we were foregoing what we do not have (families) and embracing the day, embracing autumn and all it has to offer despite the 80 degree SoCal weather (typical). We chose to have fun doing something together to celebrate the season, even if we "should have" been doing something a little more age and life-stage appropriate. 

I have a feeling there will be many more moments like this in the coming months. Autumn is the best season after all. I'll be sure to keep you posted on our very single holiday celebrations :) 

All this to say, I could have woken up to a broken coffee pot and allowed myself to be annoyed. I could have been frustrated that I paid $3.00 for a cup of coffee when an entire pound of coffee costs only twice the price. I could have let that irk my day. I could have b&m that I will now be purchasing our annual coffee pot for at least $30. I can't promise I will always choose joy (naturally or easily) and choose to embrace the day or the life I have been given. But today I choose joy. I will pick pumpkins. I will drink expensive coffee on occasion. I will celebrate the life I've been given and do my best to be thankful for all of it.

Something to Offer

I'm sitting here at Starbucks, watching the comings and goings of a typical Wednesday morning. Besides the Starbucks part, I'm usually a part of such comings and goings, but because of a weird work schedule, I am free to be and do as I please until early this afternoon. Such is the life of someone working in ministry.

I sit here curious about all these people's lives. Some I see are coming off a run or a bike ride, others job-hunting, while all the rest are somewhere in the midst of their morning run to work or from school drop off. I am confident each person has a story of their own-of how they got here or where they're going. And that's not just for today. Each person has a life-story. A story they are currently writing with each step they take. I do too.

It's hard for me to admit that. I know I have a story, but I also have this trouble with thinking anyone wants to hear it. Who could possible want to know about my life or what I think? I'm just a 24 year old girl, single, working, paying off school loans and dreaming of her future.

It's easy living life one step at a time feeling like you are going absolutely nowhere, or at least nowhere at an immeasurable speed. But then all of the sudden it's the middle of October, you can barely remember your New Year's resolutions from last year much less if you have kept them, and then all of the sudden *BAM* you are 25. Then you think back to a year ago and recognize a few things that have changed about you or your circumstances, then you happen to mistakenly upload pictures from the wrong memory card from 2008 and then you realize really just how much has changed. Frick!

In all of those changes, there are stories. I don't think of myself as much of a story teller. It's not that I don't tell them well, it's just that I don't think I actually have a story to tell. I have multiple friends who I think are great story tellers. They always seems to have some fabulously dramatic or funny or sad or adventurous story to tell. I quickly find myself all ears and anxious to hear the punch line. Or the moral of the story. Or the most embarrassing thing you would never wish on even your greatest enemy.

I want to be a story teller. As much as I don't always have a story to tell, I am confident I have something to say, something to share. It may not always be something wise or life changing or impacting or even interesting, but I know I have something to share. I figure, as long as I have friends, I must have something to share, something to offer. (Although I must admit I DO have complexes about why I have "friends", but those of you who need to know said complexes are already in the loop on this one *wink*).

So that's why I am here. Blogging. I have had a thousand ideas of what to do with my life and with this blog. I'm a perfectionist and like to have things perfectly mapped out and make complete sense to me and everyone else. It's like I force myself to have this perfect business model for my life and for my blog, but that's simply not how life or blogging works. It's great to have a plan, I won't deny that, but if you let said plan (or lack thereof) get in the way of actually doing something, then it's worthless.

I've tried to plan all my life; I practically thrive on plans. But I am also learning that plans and my desire to be and do everything perfectly and care for everyone in the process are hindering the progress of my life.

With all that being said, here goes to blogging life without a plan. To seeing where this takes me. Even if it gets me nowhere, I hope it will serve at the least as an outlet for my never-ceasing-thinking-mind. If it helps or interests others in the process--great. If not--great. But I know I have something to offer, even if I don't exactly know what that something is.

xoxo

Roller Coaster

In a moment of weakness and irresponsibility last December, I bought an annual pass to Disneyland. I've wanted one since the day I moved into the area but knowing it was not exactly a necessity, I could never rationalize spending money on such a frivolity. Enter the payment plan. Payment plans seem like the answer to every financial woe, right? Ok, well, when you're 20-something it does. 8 months later I'm still making the monthly payments. But it's totally worth it.

I'm sure the added pressure of all my closest friends having passes had nothing to do with my decision. Nothing at all.

Anyways. With the variety of rides at Disneyland, rarely is there a ride that appeals to all of us on the same level. I'm a Tower of Terror kind of girl but the same can't be said for everyone else. Getting us all on that one is like pulling teeth from a snail.

However, the one ride we will all readily agree on is California Screamin'. It's fast, fun, smooth, and no one feels like death is ripping them through the overhead safety bar. But that doesn't mean it's not full of twists, turns, the occasional lull, and speeds that make your stomach drop it like it's hot.

Similarly, being in your 20's is a total roller coaster. Ups and downs, twists and turns. Sometimes you're body is going so fast that your brain and stomach can't quite catch up with you before the next change happens. It's incredibly fun, but you don't always know what to expect next or when it will all be over. There are moments of relief, when you can turn to your neighbor and yell, "ohmygosh I love this!!" or "ohmygosh I'm a mess" or "ohmygosh this is crazy!". But before you know it, you're in the middle of yet another exhilerating moment. Exilerating either because you are loving or hating whatever twist or turn you're on.

There are lots of "ohmygosh" moments in your 20's. "Ohmygosh, I don't know how I will get this done" or "Ohmygosh this is so much fun" or "Ohmygosh, what am I supposed to do with my life?". There are also lots, and lots of questions. What's next? When will I figure out what to do with my life? Will I ever have enough money? Who can I trust? WHO AM I?

That last question probably bears the most weight. Every other question or concern somehow goes back to the "who am I?" question. For the first time in life we are living on our own, choosing our own schedule, paying our own bills, working our first job, and ultimately calling our own shots. We've had 20 years of someone else calling the shots for us, or at least pointing us in the right direction, but now it's up to us. We are navigating our lives for the first time and it's bittersweet. Bitter because we don't know what we are doing or where we are going. Sweet because we are experiencing freedom like we never have before. And laughter. There is a lot of laughter.

In my opinion, there is no situation that cannot be made better with laugher. I laugh at myself, my friends, movies, SNL bits, family, funny thingsgirlssay and so much, much more. While it's difficult at times, I even attempt to find humor when the going gets tough and there is really nothing laughable about the situation at hand.  It's just better that way.

Oh, and roller coasters. I literally laugh my way through roller coasters like it's my job. No matter how scared* or excited I am, I laugh. It's the best way to go really--in life and roller coasters. Laughing makes everything more fun. So laugh at yourself. Laugh at your friends. Laugh at thingsgirlssay. Don't "Just Dance"...laugh!

Hehehe :)

*Read: surprised.