Something to Offer

I'm sitting here at Starbucks, watching the comings and goings of a typical Wednesday morning. Besides the Starbucks part, I'm usually a part of such comings and goings, but because of a weird work schedule, I am free to be and do as I please until early this afternoon. Such is the life of someone working in ministry.

I sit here curious about all these people's lives. Some I see are coming off a run or a bike ride, others job-hunting, while all the rest are somewhere in the midst of their morning run to work or from school drop off. I am confident each person has a story of their own-of how they got here or where they're going. And that's not just for today. Each person has a life-story. A story they are currently writing with each step they take. I do too.

It's hard for me to admit that. I know I have a story, but I also have this trouble with thinking anyone wants to hear it. Who could possible want to know about my life or what I think? I'm just a 24 year old girl, single, working, paying off school loans and dreaming of her future.

It's easy living life one step at a time feeling like you are going absolutely nowhere, or at least nowhere at an immeasurable speed. But then all of the sudden it's the middle of October, you can barely remember your New Year's resolutions from last year much less if you have kept them, and then all of the sudden *BAM* you are 25. Then you think back to a year ago and recognize a few things that have changed about you or your circumstances, then you happen to mistakenly upload pictures from the wrong memory card from 2008 and then you realize really just how much has changed. Frick!

In all of those changes, there are stories. I don't think of myself as much of a story teller. It's not that I don't tell them well, it's just that I don't think I actually have a story to tell. I have multiple friends who I think are great story tellers. They always seems to have some fabulously dramatic or funny or sad or adventurous story to tell. I quickly find myself all ears and anxious to hear the punch line. Or the moral of the story. Or the most embarrassing thing you would never wish on even your greatest enemy.

I want to be a story teller. As much as I don't always have a story to tell, I am confident I have something to say, something to share. It may not always be something wise or life changing or impacting or even interesting, but I know I have something to share. I figure, as long as I have friends, I must have something to share, something to offer. (Although I must admit I DO have complexes about why I have "friends", but those of you who need to know said complexes are already in the loop on this one *wink*).

So that's why I am here. Blogging. I have had a thousand ideas of what to do with my life and with this blog. I'm a perfectionist and like to have things perfectly mapped out and make complete sense to me and everyone else. It's like I force myself to have this perfect business model for my life and for my blog, but that's simply not how life or blogging works. It's great to have a plan, I won't deny that, but if you let said plan (or lack thereof) get in the way of actually doing something, then it's worthless.

I've tried to plan all my life; I practically thrive on plans. But I am also learning that plans and my desire to be and do everything perfectly and care for everyone in the process are hindering the progress of my life.

With all that being said, here goes to blogging life without a plan. To seeing where this takes me. Even if it gets me nowhere, I hope it will serve at the least as an outlet for my never-ceasing-thinking-mind. If it helps or interests others in the process--great. If not--great. But I know I have something to offer, even if I don't exactly know what that something is.

xoxo