It's been a while...

It's been a long while since I've written on here. So long that my domain actually expired, and unless I want to spent an arm and both legs on renewing it, I've relinquished myself to being "just a blogger" instead of trying to make a name for myself on the good ol' world wide web. I'm ok with that actually. After spending hours trying to figure out how to get my .com back only to realize it wasn't going to happen on my pathetic version of an income, I now feel a great sense of relief. My blog is once again my hobby, an outlet for writing, and something to do when I feel like it. Maybe that will be better for me.

A lot has happened since I last posted anything. And at the same time, I am still waiting for a lot of things to happen that I was hoping for back then too. Time flies, yet I am finding that no matter how hard I try and no matter how many different things I try, I simply cannot control much of my life. Sure, I can control the what I eat, which brand of toothpaste I buy, how I choose to spend my time, and where I rest my head, but most of the other stuff just happens. It happens without my knowledge or despite my resistance. It's not that I am a victim of my own life just that I can only do so much.

While I would prefer to create an outline for my life and follow it to a T, that's just not how life works-or so I am learning. I'm told my plan probably isn't the best one and that there is a greater purpose for my life than I could ever comprehend, but I can't say I am thoroughly convinced...yet. I guess you could say I am kind of stuck in the middle on this issue. I like to thing my plan makes the most sense, but apparently that's not the case. If you haven't noticed, I'm struggling to accept this. Struggling to let my plans go and find contentment in where I am at and what I have. I sure hope one of these days I'll be able to look back at how I have been blessed and trust moving forward my life is moving in the direction I've been called to. In the meantime, I am trying to not try so hard. But still keep trying.

I love adventure. I love trying new things, but it also scares the crap out of me. However, if I want things to change in my life, I have to be willing. I feel called to knock on doors right now. After all, if I don't knock on doors, what are the chances those doors will open? Hopefully if I knock on enough doors one will open and I'll get to walk through into a new chapter of my life. Even though I can't control every part of my life, nor is it beneficial for me to do so, the least I can do is being willing to try things and trust that one day a door will open and I'll get to move forward. One day, one step, one paddle at a time.