25 Years, Not Days

I had a terrible night of sleep last night. Maybe it has to do with the 13+ hours I got the day/night before, or perhaps the 10 hours I got the night before that. Either way, I probably should have taken advantage of the wonder that is Tylenol PM to ensure a good night of sleep.

Or, I could just as easily blame my lack of sleep on simply TOO many thoughts running through my head.

I think I started to have a quarter life crisis yesterday. Amidst talking with friends over lunch about the fact that we are almost in our second week of September already, I realized that in just 2 months, I will be 25 (yes, it's a leap of thoughts, but welcome to female-ness). While that age may seem childish to you, I think everyone gets to an age at some point where they realize they are not a baby anymore. That or they realize they're finally behind where they thought they'd be by a certain time. I definitely realized option A (I'm not a baby), and option B (I'm behind) is not far off.

Growing up as the youngest of 4 kids I constantly looked up to my siblings. That's not to say I always wanted to do what they were doing (sometimes I knew better), but I always compared myself to whatever age they were at, feeling like they were so grown up and I would never get there. I think somewhere between getting my license and turning 17 is where I first realized I had reached one of those ages. Then I turned 20, and then 21, 22, and so forth. With each age I felt and thought that, "no, my sister is that age!" or "eek, I remember when so-and-so was this old." I've always been the youngest at home and in my grade, so to me everyone was always older and ahead of me. But then I started catching up with "older and ahead of me."

But now at almost 25, I don't really remember what my siblings were like at this age. I think because by they time they reached this age, I was already consumed by my own life and the challenges that came with it. I'm remembering less and less what "they" were like at this age. I've stopped thinking I should be doing what they were doing at this age, because I had my own goals for this age. 25 seemed like eons away, so surely I would reach certain goals by this time-no problem.

Well, 25 is quickly approaching, and while I'm not behind yet, I'm not exactly on target either. And that, my friends, is why I quickly began getting heart palpitations as I sat at lunch yesterday. "When did I get through my early 20's? How did that happen? What am I doing? Where am I going? Who am I going with?" These are all the questions that plague me daily, they just happened to all come at once, from a slightly more vulnerable place of, "I'm 25. Now what?"

I don't want these fears to get the best of me. Especially in my last months of 24. I can do nothing about the future other than live in today and make the best of it. Have a good attitude, experience the adventures it has to offer, learn from it, and have fun with it. Surely there will be moments I will cry through it--no question there. There will be moments I have to fight through the day to make sense of it or simply to get through it. But I'm not about to sacrifice 24 for the sake of fearing 25. I refuse.

I'm pretty sure old people are the ones always talking about restless nights of sleep due to stress and anxiety. I'm also going to refuse those while I'm at it. So while last night may have been a weak moment, in attempt to make the best of it-I'm just going to blame my restless night on the excessive amount of sleep I've gotten in the last few days. Oh, and the fact that in my *aging* I'm beginning to forget things--like taking Tylenol PM when I should have known better. I'll be sure to write a note to myself about that for the future.

P&L,
Allison Elizabeth