The Growing Tree

Have you ever been on the outside of a conversation about you? One where you could kind of tell something was being said (good or bad) but no matter how hard you tried to eaves drop, you just couldn't gather enough info to figure out what was being said? I imagine this has probably happened to everyone at least once. Either you a) find out later what was said or b) continue to wonder what was said until you forget it happened.

Well, I'm kind of having one of those moments, but there is no actual conversation I'm referring to. I just have this sense that things are happening to me and all around me that affect me and my future but I don't know what. In the words of Miss Clavel, "Something is not right!"

A lot in my life has been shaken up in the last few months. It's interesting to see how a few *minor* changes can totally begin to uproot other parts of your life. I'm still in the uprooting phase, and to be honest it is still pretty painful at times. There is plenty of good to be grateful for, but the change and the unknown and the future are all daunting subjects to even consider much less face head on.

I imagine my life something like a tree in a tree farm. I've been planted, watered, grown, and rooted to some extent, but now I'm being uprooted so I can be planted somewhere else--somewhere I will become deeply rooted, a more permanent residence where I can grow to my potential and be used for what I was created for.

Uprooting is painful. It shakes up all you've known and makes you crave the normalcy you've come to depend on. But unless you uproot, you'll never find your home and resting place-the place you will live and thrive, grow and be used for all you were meant for.

So, while I'm being uprooted, I can't help but wonder where I'll end up or how I will get there. I can't help but feel like there is some conversation being had about me, my life, where I'll be most useful, and all the things that need to happen for me to get there. What I do know is that things are happening. Emotions are bubbling, thoughts are changing or developing, questions are arising and nothing really feels settled. I'm ready for things to settle. I'm a girl who likes routines and schedules, plans and normalcy--it's what makes me feel sane. But, like I've said before, all I have is today and really just this very moment. I'm choosing to make the most of it. To embrace this moment for all it is and be grateful for the things I have. I can't get from A to C without B, so I'm going to embrace B and enjoy it while it lasts. Each stage has it's own advantages, and I don't want to miss out on any of them.