The Change Game

I’m beginning to realize that change happens

regardless of if you expect it, 

regardless of how old you are, 

regardless of the season of life you are in, 

regardless of who you are, 

what you do, 

or where you want to be. 

I’m in the process of learning that you will never know what the future olds, 

or when it will come, 

how it will make you feel, 

how it will influence your life, 

how it will change who you are

what you do, 

or where you want to be. 

Change is uncomfortable and leaves you feeling vulnerable. The unknown does very much the same thing. 

The irony is, as much as you want to know the future and all it holds, you are never quite ready for it. You wait on pins and needles for that certain something to finally come, whether it’s something you are working towards or a matter of *fate* you are hoping for. You wait, dream, envision, plan, pray, never really knowing what it will look like or how it will turn out. Other people may be in on it with you, or it may be something you hold near and dear to your heart. No matter what that thing is, no matter how “ready” you think you are, the time will come and you just may not know exactly what to do with yourself. Joy will overtake you, passion may envelope you, excitement will exude from you, but at the end of the day, no matter what that thing is, it will likely leave you a little uncomfortable-curious-confused.

Life seems to be one BIG, f-a-t, question mark. The more you know, the more you wonder. The less you know, the more you want to know. I’d say there is no easy fix, because there isn’t, but really it’s not a problem that needs fixing. If we were meant to know our every step of the way then we’d have been born like that. If we were meant to know our every step, life would be relatively uneventful. Mind you, the lives we lives are “eventful” for both good and “bad” reasons, but that’s why it’s a journey. Attempting to look miles ahead will do no good if we’re missing the step we’re currently on. Staring off into the distance will get us no further than the step we’re currently on. Getting somewhere takes focus, diligence, and the patience to take one step at a time. 

Looking to get ahead? Looking behind won’t do much good either. As a 4th grader I vividly remember an incident with me and a poor tree that didn’t see it coming---er, I didn’t see it coming. Being the introvert that I am I’ve always been fascinated by people watching-particularly people just a few years my senior. I’ve always been just a little bit curious to see how others live and interact. Maybe it comes from being the youngest of  four kids. There was always something going on and someone to stalk-errr watch---er---observe? Seriously though, I loved just hanging around my siblings and their friends to see what they did or talked about. I had some of the same tendencies at school too. Being in 4th grade, I loved watching the 6th graders. I particularly wanted to know what they talked about. Clothing was also something that stoked my curiosity. 

So there I was, early one morning, killing time with all the other kids before class started, walking around the large sand field. Apparently walking around this field was the cool thing to do. We all did it. Only the over-achievers attempted to run that early in the marine layered morning. Semi-strategically placed trees were staggered along the outline of the field. I happened to be alone on this particular day, but only a few yards from the 6th grade girls. In my curiosity I continued to look back at said girls every minute or so. I’m not sure if they noticed my “observing”, but they clearly noticed the moment I turned around and walked straight into a tree. Within seconds the girls were making sure I was OK and asking if I needed to go to the nurse. While my face and body received little to no damage, it was my ego that was slightly bruised that day. 

See? Looking back doesn’t do much good. 

So if looking back does no good, and looking too far ahead does us no good, then apparently my only option is to be exactly where I am, working toward the next step, accepting that even though I may not know for some time. A wise reverend(1) once said, “worry only about today for tomorrow will worry for itself. If that’s too hard, worry only about the next hour. If that’s too hard, worry about this very second.” Now is all that I have, and even that is not my own. The past is all that it will be. The future is and will forever be unknown. Today I will rest in what I have and what I know, because everything is what everything is. 

(1) Rev Run via Twitter