#FLAB

My sisters and I adopted a new motivational phrase, created by yours truly, known as #FLAB--i.e. Fight Like a Bitch.

I guess I never really understood the value of a personal motivational statement until I created one of my own, that actually meant something to me. It's silly really, Fight Like A Bitch, but rings true for so many areas of life. When the going gets tough, FIGHT LIKE A BITCH.

Originally we started using the phrase in regard to working out. That's actually the most common use of it in conversation (via text of course). However, it can be used for so many areas of life.

It's been a really difficult year for me filled with significant anxiety and depression. I'm definitely through the worst of it, although seasons or situations do tend to bubble up some of those same feelings.  I stopped taking the meds I was on for about 8 months, with the guidance of my doctor, and after weaning off of those, finally starting feeling myself. The meds got me through the worst of the depression which I am grateful for, but ultimately made my feel groggy, very sleepy, and generally made me want to crawl out of my skin the last few months being on it.

However, after ending those meds, I knew I still wasn't 100%. There was still work to be done and quite a journey ahead. In all honesty, I am still IN that journey, but feel far enough away from some of it to speak in the past tense. Each day I feel more and more myself. I laugh more. Started finding humor in the everyday again. And finally don't feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat or like I need to sleep off whatever emotion I am feeling. Sure, I've had my setbacks, last week being one of them, but through the right precautionary steps, some sleep, and time in community with those I love and don't feel drained by, I was able to work through that.

With the absence of meds but the determination to get back to myself, perhaps even a better version of myself, I decided that the only way to do it was to fight like a bitch. You know, get scrappy when you need to, hold your own, use your words, and not worry about what others think. I needed (and still need) to learn how to take care of myself, not caring what others think, while still respecting those around me. It's so true, if you do not love yourself, there is simply no way to genuinely love others. In the last year or so I was surviving on leftovers, leaving only table scraps for anyone else in my life.

So, fight like a bitch is my motto. It's what it always comes back to for me. Every workout complete? Fight like a bitch. Every counseling appointment checked off? Fight like a bitch. Need to just get up and out of bed to take on the day? FLAB. Eat right? FLAB.

Each moment I remember to FLAB, I am reminded that while life may not be easy and certain tasks may be more difficult, sometimes you just have to FIGHT. It helps me view myself as someone with STRENGTH and vitality. In each moment I choose to FLAB I am no longer a victim and instead a victor. I will take this life one moment at a time, fighting through each day. Maybe one day the fight will be easier for me, or I'll know better how to live in such a way that I don't always have to fight. But until that day comes I will continue to fight and let that fight strengthen me.