Wired for More

I'm feeling very behind on life right about now. It's December 1st, but might as well be January for all I know. I realized how behind I am when I discovered yesterday that the future queen is pregnant. Seriously, how did I miss such a thing?? I guess it's not "official" yet, but I'm thoroughly convinced 99% of celebrity gossip is true. Am I right?

Anyways. I'm someone who thrives on routine and I've had little to none of that for who knows how long. I feel like I live life searching for this thing I used to have, but can't actually remember having. I say I love routine, but how often do I actually have it? I think I may need to start working on living well without a routine because this whole "no time to clean, eat well, work hard, workout, spend time with friends, have a life, go to the grocery store, blog, and discover the secret to life" thing is just not working out for me these days. At this point inconsistency is the most consistent thing in my life.

I want so badly to have time and space to do things I want to do. I want to craft, bake, cook, pack my lunch, meet friends for coffee, look at Christmas lights, enjoy the season, make my bed, send advent calendars before the 1st of December, hang my clothes, and finish laundry, but apparently that's all easier said than done. And I can tell laziness is not a factor considering I can't keep up with t.v., blogs, news, or even twitter. Life moves at such a fast pace these days I simply can't keep up. To be honest, I don't think I even really want to keep up.

The thing is, I know this isn't just a "me" thing. I know everyone feels this way at times, probably more often than not. Is it a California thing? A generational thing? What is it that makes us go, go, go, and think more, more more, and want more, more more, and keep going until we burn out but never feel satisfied? There are so many things I want more of, and so many things I want that I don't have. I am pretty sure this is (unfortunately) how we are wired straight out of the womb. It's as if those ultrasound machines are not just taking pictures of us in there, it's like they are sending message to us saying, "enjoy the time while you have it, 'cuz you're never going to have this peace and quiet again."

I want more but at the same time I don't. Along with my other New Year's Resolutions of watching the news and being more informed (oops), 2011 was supposed to be the year I tried to be content. Each year, since only a few years ago, I've chosen a word or two that I wanted to be the theme of my year. Last year was "peace and joy". This year, contentment. With all that life throws us, and all that it keeps from us, my goal for this year was to be content with what I already have. I want to see the blessings in each day, even through trials. I want to be a grateful person, satisfied by what incredible gifts I have already been given.

Seeing the blessings is easier than I thought it would be, but not wanting more of them is the hard part. Blessings are like free gifts...they are pretty darn awesome when you get them, you don't usually expect them, and no matter how small they are, free is always good. However, you also don't generally seek after free gifts. Free gifts are given because someone wants to give them to you. You can't expect them, but you best appreciate when you get them!!

In the busyness of today, my goal is to appreciate what I have, not worrying about the time, money, or life that I don't. Who really cares if my bed goes unmade? Who cares if my laundry is still sitting in the dryer? Why do advent calendars have to start on December 1st anyways? Silly traditions. I've got a month left to work on this whole "contentment" thing. Of course I'll continue to work on it in the new year, but in these last 31 days of 2011 my hope is to stay totally focused on it (eek!). They say habits take 3 weeks to form. I've been working on contentment for about 48 weeks now, maybe it'll finally stick in the last 4.

What was your goal(s) for 2011? 


What will your goal(s) be for 2012?